Little black rainclouds

It's been a couple of weeks now, and while I knew it would come, the force behind the sorrow reality brings is always a bit surprising. This was miscarriage #3, though with this one, I'd carried for a lot longer than with the other 2. It's startling to realize how many hopes you have, how much love, for a little soul one day you realize you were never destined to meet. Suddenly the dates you'd planned on, the little daydreams, mean nothing anymore. It's nothing I didn't expect and I know it doesn't last, but still...I have to admit...I'm having a pretty hard time.

Bit of brightness

Branden's boss who heads the Northwest Region of the company, sent this bouquet this afternoon. They're so bright, and it was so thoughtful. Thank you, Bill.

Not our will, but Thine be done

Man, that's such a hard mantra of faith to uphold sometimes. Just a few days after we were able to announce that I was expecting, we have to go back and un-tell the news. Thursday night I started cramping, had some spotting. By midnight the cramps were so extreme I went to Ogden Regional's ER where the bleeding only got worse. We got home around 4 am Friday. At around 6:30 the pain was so severe I couldn't stand up straight and felt faint. I passed an excessive amount of blood and tissue, and then by 7 am the cramping stopped almost entirely. I went in for an emergency visit with my OB at 9 and an ultrasound confirmed what I'd pretty much already guessed by that time - I lost the baby.

It was a clean miscarriage though, and I don't require any procedures to clean out any residual elements of the pregnancy so that's a blessing. For now I'm okay. I think perhaps I'd made peace with things when I realized what was happening. We understand these things happen for reasons. Sometimes, though, I think we wish we could have a peek at those reasons.

...and baby makes 3

Say hello to our little grain of rice with a heartbeat. Branden and I just got home from my doctor's appointment. I'm 8 and a half weeks along. If you look to the right wall inside the 'black hole', the baby is marked (the picture enlarges if you click on it). If things go well, I'll be due on or around the 24th of October!

We like broiled hamburgers...

...and here's the fire extinguisher residue. I won't go into how long it took to clean the kitchen.