Friday, March 7, 2008

Not our will, but Thine be done

Man, that's such a hard mantra of faith to uphold sometimes. Just a few days after we were able to announce that I was expecting, we have to go back and un-tell the news. Thursday night I started cramping, had some spotting. By midnight the cramps were so extreme I went to Ogden Regional's ER where the bleeding only got worse. We got home around 4 am Friday. At around 6:30 the pain was so severe I couldn't stand up straight and felt faint. I passed an excessive amount of blood and tissue, and then by 7 am the cramping stopped almost entirely. I went in for an emergency visit with my OB at 9 and an ultrasound confirmed what I'd pretty much already guessed by that time - I lost the baby.

It was a clean miscarriage though, and I don't require any procedures to clean out any residual elements of the pregnancy so that's a blessing. For now I'm okay. I think perhaps I'd made peace with things when I realized what was happening. We understand these things happen for reasons. Sometimes, though, I think we wish we could have a peek at those reasons.

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